So, I completely fucked something up.
In one of my online courses, I was supposed to take a midterm by midnight last night. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about it. My usual routine was changed because of a cancellation in my schedule, and the time I would usually devote to work on that class just got skipped.
I didn’t have the haunting realization that I’d completely fucked this up until about 30 minutes ago. It was like I snapped – I was having a good morning, and all of a sudden, my sanity just snapped. Everything is crashing down.
That’s what I get for thinking I had an easy night to enjoy. That’ll teach me to trust my brain again. I had it in two different spots that I was supposed to take this damn midterm, and I didn’t check either of them after I got home. I just shut down, and now, I’m screwed.
I sent a pleading e-mail, and while that sits, I have to teach 8 more lessons this evening and try not to hyperventilate or throw up.
That’s all I can do right now. Try to keep composed and not just collapse like I want to, like it would be easy to. I’m in complete panic, and all of the breathing, deep thinking, centering activities I can think of are getting hijacked by the want to throw shit and freak out.
I was hoping to write an insightful, funny, witty post today, but I don’t have that in me. All I have is panic, despair, and the feeling of wanting to vomit.
Back to your regularly scheduled wit tomorrow.